


Honestly

by 0fficiallyLeah



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Misunderstandings, Natasha Is a Good Bro, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Secrets, Steve and Bucky are idiots, little swearing, mild panic attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-19
Updated: 2015-03-19
Packaged: 2018-03-17 23:31:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3547802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0fficiallyLeah/pseuds/0fficiallyLeah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve doesn't want to tell Bucky he loves him but he can't lie to him either.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Honestly

**Author's Note:**

> My very first fanfic.  
> No beta - all errors are mine.  
> Feedback is helpful.

Steve is always honest.

 

Most people think it's because he doesn't know how to lie, which isn't the case. Steve is honest when it matters, and well to Steve that's usually always. But sometimes he likes to tell a tale or two - usually to Clint, usually about WWII. He liked the little smile Natasha gets whenever she's trying to hold back laughing at Clint's completely-believing-everything-you're-saying face, because Steve is always honest.

 

When Steve was younger, sicker, he and Bucky used to play poker when he was to weak to get out of bed. Bucky hated it. He used to say it wasn't fair that he had known Steve long enough to know every thought and feeling that crossed his face, and then he locked it all behind a perfectly blank face. Not a single tell. Bucky made Steve swear to never lie to him because he wouldn't be able to tell if Steve didn't want him too. And Steve, not ever seeing a time or reason that he would ever need to lie to His best friend, crossed his heart and promised. And Steve is always honest.

 

It was because of this promise, and Bucky being cleared by the remnants of S.H.I.E.L.D to move into the Avenger Tower with Steve, that Steve told Bucky the truth - hard or not, rather he wanted to or not. And in turn Bucky began to trust him, and that led to him regaining memories, the serum helping all the while, and soon Steve found himself with his best friend (100% Bucky Barnes) again. All within a year since Bucky was rescued. And it was good, until it wasn't, if Steve's being honest.

 

"Hey, Stevie, I met a dame at the diner Nat and I went to. I'm telling you, she was a looker. How 'bout I set you up?" This was the 37th attempt to get Steve a date. "If you're nervous, Nat and I could double like old times." That was the 15th offer to double.

"No thanks, Buck. I told you I'm good, really." Really!

"Right, well it was just a thought." He began to quietly flip through the channels.

"Is this about me dating or you nervous to go dancing alone with Natasha?" Steve joked with only minimal tightness in his chest.

"Screw you. At least I go out. Besides missions and Sam's place you are almost always in this damn tower. Except," he looked quickly over to Steve who was suddenly frozen in the kitchen doorway, "except there are times when you leave your phone and no one knows where you are." Technically, it wasn't a question so he didn't have to respond. "You know," Bucky's voice took on an edge. "One time Nat and I searched every inch of this eye sore and couldn't find you." That was because he was having his very necessary Starbucks/Therapy Time with Sam. They never met in the same place twice just in case.

"What are you getting at Buck? Scared I got a secret girl I'm hiding from you?" He looked him squarely in the eyes, "cause I don't." Bucky seemed to relax for whatever reason.

"You're sure you ain't keeping a secret from me Stevie?" It was obviously meant to be teasing but he still had an edge to his voice.

"None you'd find terribly interesting, but I do think I'm gonna go up to the roof and sketch before bed."

 

Steve wasn't expecting Bucky to turn off the TV and join him. There was a smart ass comment about him having to be sick of watching Steve sketch after all these years, but it died on his tongue when Bucky offered to model instead of him drawing the cityscape again. He had done that once, to allow him the words to tell Bucky about it. But of all the times these past few months that he's used the roof to escape Bucky, it would be a privilege to be able to sketch him in person instead of relying on his memories to do so.

 

Steve's not sure when he fell in love with Bucky. It's only been three months since he realised it. He thinks that he may have always loved him, but had taken his constant presence for granted. It wasn't until he discovered him again that he noticed butterflies in his stomach at the sight of him. It wasn't until he moved in that he realised he could breathe easier when he was in the same room. It wasn't until he heard him laugh that he noticed how big it made him smile. And it wasn't until he saw him lounging on the couch with Natasha's head in his lap, listening to her read aloud in Russian with a small content smile on Bucky's face that he first noticed his chest tighten in a sharp pain. But it wasn't until three months ago that it clicked what all of it meant. It made Bucky trying to set him up on dates pretty damn difficult.

 

"You know," Bucky spoke up in the silence. It was dark on the roof, but not for the super soldiers. The half moon providing enough light to see him clearly. The sounds of the traffic down below was muted by how high they were, but somehow Steve knew that even at street level he would've been able to hear his quiet tone. "I was one of, if not the best assassin, and I like to think I'm right up there with being a best friend - your best friend."

Steve frowned. "Bucky, that's a given."

"Well is it? Because after that mission hit a snag three months ago you've been acting funny. I know you've been hiding something."

"You were unconscious for forty-eight hours. It was an unidentifiable weapon, an unidentifiable threat, and you got shot and," Steve cut off, trying hard to remember Bucky was here, awake, and okay. Bucky just watched him.

"Yeah, and when I was thirteen and got hit in the head with a baseball. I passed out for maybe five minutes and you were my shadow for a week. You sat outside the shower incase I passed out from the heat." He countered. Steve remembered. He had nearly had an asthma attack because he had started panicking when he didn't get right up.

"Tell me what's going on." Bucky calmly ordered.

"After you passed Banner's tests, I asked Natasha to watch you. I know you enjoy hanging out with here one on one and I was going to worry either way, so I asked her." "

"That's not what I meant."

"I thought you came up here so I could sketch you." Steve dodged.

"Will you stop fucking doing that. Don't dodge the question, don't change the subject, try to treat me like your fucking friend, like I thought I was, and tell me the fucking truth."

"I can't Buck. I promised you I'd never lie, but I can't tell you the truth. Because you're happy. And you really really deserve to be happy. I'm afraid if I tell you it will affect that, affect us." Steve was mumbling by the end of his response. He couldn't look at him. He had a 50/50 shot that his answer would just make things worse.

"Nat has a theory on what's wrong with you - why your acting squirrelly. She said I should ask you, but I knew you wouldn't tell me. I thought your answer would be better than that bullshit but whatever."

"You talk to Natasha about me?" Steve was honestly surprised. Buck shrugged.

"Yea, it's usually when she tries to change the subject from me teasing her about Clint."

"Why would you tease her about him?" Bucky gave him an are-you-dumb look.

"Because she has a mask of no emotions until you mention her boyfriend and then she goes from stone cold killer to a school girl in love in four seconds flat." He couldn't keep the chuckle out his voice. Steve was still confused though.

"Okay, but" Steve couldn't help looking at him like he'd grown another head,"but you're her boyfriend, so why tease her about Clint?" Bucky made a startled chocking noise. 

"Why would you think that?! Oh god, I will never un see that mental image! What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Bucky it's okay. It's not really a secret, I mean it was obvious. I've seen the two of you on the couch. It's the happiest you've ever looked with a dame." He tried to give him a smile.

"Ugh, seriously? How is it I ask you about your secret and somehow you end up talking about mine?" He got up and began pacing.

"I just told you it wasn't a secret - I worked it out." 

"Will you please stop talking about that." Bucky seemed to shudder.

"If you aren't dating why did you keep insisting on double dates?" Steve decided to ask.

"Because, Steve, God forbid you be happy. You've been moping around lately and you deserve a nice girl. And Nat had mentioned trying to get you a date and you always saying no, and I thought it'd be like old times. You were just to shy and needed someone to push you along - it's my duty as your best friend."

"Well would you stop, because none of them are what I'm looking for or even want. I," he sucked in a deep breath and squeezed his eyes closed, "I kinda fell in love with someone. Honestly, I have been for a while now." He kept his eyes shut tight, but Steve heard Bucky stop moving.

"But you said you don't have a secret girl." Indignant squawk would be the best way Steve could describe Bucky's voice. He bent his head down, wanting to curl in on himself, and really wanting to not have this conversation. however, it seemed inevitable. 

"I don't, Buck, I don't. It's," he felt like he was suffocating. There wasn't enough air, not on the roof, maybe not even in the world. His hands were fisted in his lap, and he could feel his nails cut through his palm, but he still couldn't breathe. He was barely aware of Bucky's muttered curse, too focused on his rapidly increasing tunnel vision.

"Steve," Bucky called. "Steve, you're okay. Just calm down. Steve, breathe. Come on. Deep breaths." Steve forced himself to count out his breaths like when he was a kid. He felt Bucky's hand on his shoulder, his other pulling Steve away from the edge. Bucky and him were practically the same height now, and whenever they stood close together, like now, Steve always became acutely aware of how easy it would be to Kiss him. 

"Breathe Stevie, come on. Whatever it is you don't have to tell me. It's okay. I'm not," with the lack of oxygen reaching Steves panicked brain, he did something incredibly stupid - he kissed Bucky. He wasn't expecting the hand on his shoulder to move into his hair, or for his own to pull Bucky closer. But even more shocking was that Bucky was kissing him back. He pulled away taking deep gulps of air, and felt more than knew that Bucky's extremely shocked but happy face mirrored his own. 

"It's you." He speaks in a rush. "I'm in love with you. I didn't really realize it until you got hurt and I thought I was going to lose you again. But I think I always loved you, I was just to blind to see it. I've been sneaking off to see Sam, I was just so afraid that you were going to find out and I thought you were with Natasha and I really didn't want on the bad side of both of you. So Sam, I've been getting counseling from Sam. " Bucky managed to cut off Steve's hysterical rambling by pulling him into another kiss, which he happily accepted. This one lasts longer. It was loving and lazy, and tongues, and nips. Steve couldn't keep the shit-eating grin his face and it made Bucky smile too.

When they broke apart, Bucky gave him a sheepish grin. "Nat doesn't read to me." He voice was soft.

"What do you mean?"

"When we hang out and she reads in Russian and you said it's the happiest you've seen me - it's not 'cause some dumb book. We're talking about you, mainly you, sometimes Clint. But we talk about me telling you I love you. That I've loved you for longer than I remember, and she lets me talk about you for hours - good and bad stuff." He laughed. "She kept telling me to tell you. She guaranteed you felt the same."

"Sam said the same thing. They talked to each other didn't they." Steve didn't doubt it. At all.

"Yea, I wouldn't even be surprised if there was a bet going." Bucky shrugged before pulling Steve back inside to their own floor with a smirk. He briefly thought that they should keep Sam and Natasha in the dark for being jerks, but if he was being honest, Steve knew he wouldn't be able to keep his hands off Bucky for a while now that he has permission.

 

And Steve is always honest.


End file.
